After quite a while of contemplation, I have come to the realization that my “ideal woman” simply does not exist. I know, shocker of the century, right there.

The problem is, I don’t quite understand why she would not exist out there, somewhere. I just haven’t the foggiest clue how to begin the search for her.

My ideal woman would be willing to spend a Friday night at home, watching scary movies until passing out on the couch. We could even spend an entire Saturday or Sunday beating each other at video games. She would be content with a “date” of getting ice cream and then talking about Math, Politics, Science, Philosophy, or any other intellectual topic and have it be considered great fun. She would willingly come along to (and possibly even participate in) Magic the Gathering drafts with me. We would spend hours at home, bonding over some television show, like The Office, Avatar: TLA, or Breaking Bad, just enjoying each other’s company.

Maybe I’m the crazy one, here, thinking that someone like that must exist somewhere. Someone who would not be offended if I allowed her to pay for her own ice cream cone. Someone who would legitimately appreciate me simply listening to things she said and remembering them weeks later when they become relevant again. But, well, I guess those kinds of girls only exist in Romantic Comedies.

That won’t stop me from looking, though, of course.